Turnwhipple! (A Blog)

Behold! My first full-paid for, totally legal version of music writer’s dream composition program! In the past year I haven’t felt drawn to write much music, and when I have, did not have a program sophisticated enough to handle simple changes of meter or key. Finale 2008 not only gives you the option of changing meter or key, but it’s also a vacuum cleaner, a car, a spa, a puppy and a space station (thank you, Animaniacs).

1. Waiters or waitresses who offer to refill your empty mug of tea with hot water but don’t replace the tea bag.

2. How I’m the one who ends up paying the extra cent on split checks.

3. American Girl, American Girl Place, American Girl Boutique and Bistro, American Girl accessories.

4. Why the first person to come up with butter felt the urge to churn cream until it developed into something different entirely and then felt it best to spread it on bread which may or may not have existed yet.

5. Fruit cake.

6. Patiently waiting for a bus that is not on time only to find three or four in a row come at once, or, worse, in the opposite direction.

7. Most Facebook applications.

8. How airplanes actually work.

9. Repeatedly running into the same person at the grocery store you’ve already said good bye to.

10. Apple pie with cheddar cheese.

11. Stores who don’t test to see if their price stickers will come off the product before selling it to you.

12. The appeal of Fluff.

13. [intentionally left blank]

14. Fear of the number 13.

15. In mathematics, the imaginary i.

16. How the imaginary i was “discovered.”

17. Why the imaginary i caught on.

18. How to take the imaginary i seriously.

19. How human civilization survived for millions of years prior to the discovery of the imaginary i.

20. Hannah Montana

21.  How dirty the kitchen gets after cooking one simple meal.

22. The price of groceries to pay for that one simple meal.

23.  Where wind comes from.

Attending the Merchandise Mart Antiques Fair a few weeks ago with my friend Natalie, I came across the most beautiful bookcase I had ever seen. It was probably twenty or so feet long and at least seven or eight feet tall with beautiful carved wood and leaded glass cabinets built in English tudor style. Unfortunately, $160,000.00 was slightly out of my price range. So I had to settle on the second thing I fell in love with: an illuminated manuscript page from northern Italy, circa 1470 A.D. The page is from a Book of Hours, a collection of psalms, prayers and texts popular in the medieval times listing the appropriate texts for each liturgical hour of the day. It was a decision I was happy to make and it is something I will cherish forever.

…That I also recommend. In looking at the rundown below, there are some clear patterns on subject matter. I’ve always loved to read and find out more about places I’ve lived in, hence the reading on Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Chicago. I’m also fascinated by European history between 1200 - 1600 A.D. (the mid-to-late Medieval and Renaissance periods) and the ruling figureheads of the time. But variety is indeed the spice of life, so there are a few miscellaneous reads in there too of course!

I went to college at Salve Regina University in Newport, Rhode Island. As most of the campus is made up of gilded age mansions, carriage houses and stables, it was an amazing place to go about daily life. The world outside stood still, and at the end of the day, it was nice to come “home” to your 60-room mansion overlooking the ocean! Needless to say, none of us will probably ever live like that again (though I can hope and dream). Architecturally speaking, the campus is an architectural treasure. Here are some of the places I was fortunate enough to have at one time called “home.”

Carey Mansion–this was an unforgettable experience. Hidden doors, secret passageways, blocked off rooms, staircases leading to multiple attics, medieval fireplaces, stained glass from the 16th century…and, as it turned out, a ghost or two who kept things interesting on still, quiet summer days.

The exterior of Carey Mansion was also used for the cult classic gothic soap opera Dark Shadows, (1966-1971). If you haven’t seen it, be prepared to gaze on the glory of extreme and consummate melodramatics. At any rate, the house was known as “Collinswood,” and today, die hard fans of Dark Shadows still arrive by the bus load and scare college students by climbing up the fire stairways on the exterior of the building or begging to be let inside to see a vampire. I’m not kidding. While I was there, a fan even left a bag of gifts to Barnabas, the vampire. The building secretary thanked him kindly and quickly locked it up in a closet. It comes out now and again when the story is told.

Here is a short video that Pat brilliantly put together from a Dark Shadows film that shows the mansion today, and back then.

Carey Mansion on ABC’s Dark Shadows series

Watts Sherman House–The ghost of a little boy is rumored to live here. I lived here my freshman year and did not have any strange experiences. My suitemate’s girlfriend claimed to have seen the figure of a little boy one night standing in the corner of the room. Better her than me.

Conley Hall–I moved here from Carey Mansion in the fall of 2002. Conley Hall was located about a quarter mile away from the campus–something campus officials did not like. Needless to say, the school no longer uses Conley Hall, but it sat at the end of a very long, secluded driveway, completely walled off from the rest of the world. Voices, banging noises, and rattling doors could occasionally make this place a little creepy. I didn’t like being there alone. At the moment I do not have any exterior photographs, but will post one as soon as I find one.

Dramatic lighting rocks! This photograph was taken by Pat, my partner in crime.

Good question! See below for a definition.

Turnwhipple [tern-whip-pul]
noun
1. a completely made-up British-sounding name.

Turnwhippling [tern-whip-pul-ling]
verb
1. to Turnwhipple.

Lint is under-rated. Like skin, but this entry is about lint. Consider the many ways in which lint is part of us.Lint is fuzzy, soft and often warm, especially fresh from the dryer where it pools with itself in a lush valley of linty-fun for convenient removal. It can stay as long as we let it or leave as soon as we decide it’s time to go. It’s the perfect house guest.

Always attaching itself to us, it’s as if lint couldn’t go on without our company. Whether bunching up with friends or hanging out in solitary company like innumerable stars against a black sky of winter jacket, it’s always there to say hello.

Natural jokers too, lint likes to play hide and seek. An age-old tradition dating back to the lint tribes of the middle ages decreed lint in pockets was the best practical joke around. To this day, the tradition of pocket lint remains both a healthy habit and a joking sense of pride for all the lint out there.

Just today I was talking with a friend and–surprise!–pocket lint! There was hearty laughter all around.

How I love those fuzzy, fluffy fibers! Fortunately for fabric, fluffy lint frolics freely from fashionable furs to fuzzy navels. Who knew these fluffy fuzzy fibers would fetch a title of a far-out drink?

So the next time you’re feeling down, think about all that lovable lint huggin your very being and greet it with happy salutations and a warm smile. It will be your best friend forever.

If those of you reading this have not yet signed up to receive any sort of “Word of the Day” e-mail, then I strongly suggest it. The more words we have in our personal vocabulary arsenal, the more command we have of our beautiful language, and of expressing ourselves.

For those of you who read the dictionary, congratulations. However, having a LIFE in which to describe through words you’ve read and learned in the dictionary is probably more important, so please come over for hard liquor at your earliest convenience.

For those of you who don’t like learning new things, the war in Iraq is over, so go tell your friends and see what they say to you in response.

For those of you who like silly things, I like you too. Anyway, some fantastic and exciting vocables everyone should know, use and love:

1. Cagoule. A light-weight, hooded, thigh-length, waterproof jacket. For example, “Look at John in his completely unflattering and horrendous blue cagoule!”

2. Zeugma. A figure of speech in which a word applies to two others in different senses. For example, “John and his license expired last week.” (Poor John)

3. Brobdingnagian. Huge, immense, enormous. For example, “Finding a cagoule in his size was difficult for the brobdingnagian personage of John, who, having recently bought a Mini Cooper, was rendered immobile when the engine gave out whilst crossing a terribly busy intersection…”

4. Hullabaloo. A great noise or commotion. For example, “The resulting hullabaloo in the intersection caused by John’s own corpulence happened just in time for the local church lady’s bake sale which utilized stopped traffic to gain a jump start on today’s bumbleberry pie profits.

5. Tater tots. Also known as “Tots,” are made from deep-fried, grated potatoes and are often recognizable for their crispiness, cylindrical shape and small size. Known as “Potato Pom Poms” in Australia, and “Oven Crunchies,” in the UK, John ate entirely too many of them all three countries.

Poor Poe. Surely he was psychic. Let me explain why.

One of the greatest aspects of bookselling mega-stores is that they often publish their own line of literary masterpieces at dirt cheap discounted prices. Like the complete anthology of Edgar Allen Poe I bought last night at Border’s for $7.00. That’s right: seven dollars for every single word the guy ever wrote. If Poe only knew then that all those thousands of hours spent on painstaking composition by candlelight, writing, re-writing, etc. would only amount to a $7 legacy, his writing no doubt would have been even darker. …If that’s possible…

Sure, his writing is dark, gloomy, haunting and often downright depressing. Can you blame him? Perhaps if the anthology sold for $8, “The Raven” might have become “The Canary,” and for $10, “Forevermore” might have become it’s long-lived word of choice. Alas, no such luck. It’s like he knew exactly what was going to happen in 2006 at a chain bookseller’s in Tampa, Florida. I sympathize with the guy. Therefore I think he was psychic. Or ok, maybe just mentally ill.

In the very least I had forgotten how mysterious, boldly creative and intriguing his writing is. So for those of you who haven’t read Poe before, give him a shot. Just buy your own anthology. $10 will do it, and with the other three dollars you can go to Starbucks and get a head start on “The Cockatail.” I mean “The Raven.”